Diabetes:
Facing
the Challenges and Avoiding the ‘Parent
Traps’ of Teen Diabetes
Life is hard enough for the average teen struggling
to fit in with his or her peers; for teens with diabetes, life can
seem downright
overwhelming. All teenagers are worried about peer pressure, popularity,
school work, and relationships, but the teen with diabetes is also
worried about glucose levels, administering daily injections, staying
fit, and staying on a special diet. If you’re the parent of
a teen with diabetes, you understand these stressors better than
most, and probably recognize the impact the condition has on your
own life, as well. The worries of the average parent are compounded
and gain new significance for the parent of a diabetic. Such parents
also face unique challenges; they have to learn how to administer
daily shots to their children, how to read glucose levels, how to
adjust their children’s diets, and how to recognize warning
signs of hypoglycemic reactions, ketoacidosis, and other complications.
However, with all of the information, resources, and support available
today, parents of teens with diabetes don’t have to feel alone
and in the dark, and their teenage children don’t have to feel
overwhelmed or “different.”
Judy Haley, Vice President of Outreach for the
Juvenile Diabetes Research Foundation in Houston, Texas, and the
mother of two young
adults with diabetes, points out that “the Internet can be
a wonderful source of information for parents and teens with diabetes,” especially
with regard to obtaining the latest information on treatment options
and learning from the real-life experiences of other families dealing
with diabetes. “When your child is refusing an insulin pump,
for example, and most of the literature out there says that the insulin
pump is one of the best options available right now, it is reassuring
to read about other parents who are dealing with the same thing.
You can learn from their experiences that, say, forcing a child to
use the pump when she isn’t ready could backfire and lead to
the development of negative attitudes toward that treatment and diabetes
management in general,” Haley says. “Hearing about others’ experiences
reminds you that what you are doing and experiencing is normal—that
you aren’t alone.”
The sexual and emotional changes of puberty pose unique challenges
for diabetics and their parents; rebellion, denial, and noncompliance
may become issues as teens increasingly try to deal with the pressure
to “fit in.” As Lifeclinic.com points out, blood glucose
control gets even harder during these years—especially for
girls around the time of their menstrual periods—perhaps
because hormones produced during adolescence negatively affect
insulin usage. Blood glucose levels may swing erratically during
this time, making effective management all the more frustrating
and difficult (see "Teenages
with Diabetes: Challenges").
The teenage years are about sleepovers, parties,
ordering pizza, and staying out late—none of which are
conducive to diabetes management. The teen with diabetes faces
a number of tough challenges on a daily basis that are
often overlooked by others. A useful article at Diabetesstation.com entitled “A
Day in My Life,” written by Evie Taylor, recounts the numerous concerns
and challenges a typical teen faces every day at school.
As Evie explains, diabetes is a condition that teens with the disease must
deal with from the moment they wake up in the morning until they go to bed
at night. During the day, they are faced with tough choices, and they have
to learn how to be responsible and make compromises in ways that their peers
do not.
In addition, having diabetes and injecting
insulin can make teens feel different and have a negative effect
on self-image and self-esteem, which are
fragile
enough during this time. An article published on Diabetic-Lifestyle.com points
out that “children and teens who have a chronic disease take on extra
stress and risk factors as they work their way through their teen years.” A
teenager with a chronic disease, the author points out, is often pulled in
opposite directions. “On one hand, he or she must take care of the physical
problems, requiring some dependence on parents and doctors. On the other hand,
the adolescent wants and needs to become independent and join his or her friends
in various activities.” As the article states, psychiatric problems like
eating disorders, anxiety, and depression are not uncommon among diabetic teens;
often, the pressures of adolescence compound the difficulties the diabetic
faces in trying to manage his or her condition, and the stress becomes overwhelming,
causing the diabetic teen to rebel in dangerous ways. “When a teen with
diabetes decreases or stops taking insulin or oral meds without talking this
over with physicians, it may be a normal adolescent desire to take control
of his or her body” the author says.
All parents of diabetics want their children to lead normal, happy,
and healthy lives, but are often left feeling helpless during this
difficult time; after all, while they can’t take the disease
away, they also can’t control everything their teenager does.
Often, parents feel guilty, scared, or overwhelmed, and may, as
a result, act inappropriately and actually hinder effective diabetes
management. The University of Massachusetts Medical School offers “The
Healing Handbook for Persons with Diabetes,” an excellent
online resource for parents of children with diabetes. In it, the
various “pitfalls” parents of diabetics often encounter
are outlined and addressed. For instance, the site explains how
the overanxious, overindulgent, perfectionist, or indifferent parent
harms the child and makes dealing with the condition that much
more difficult. According to the UMASS
Medical School Handbook, “An
overanxious parent creates an overanxious child who is overdependent.
By doing everything for your child, you deny him or her the self-control
and self-confidence necessary for an independent life.”
Along those same lines is the perfectionist
parent who strives to achieve good diabetes management in early
childhood through
strict discipline. But punishing your children for making mistakes
has ramifications. “The child may feel guilty about poor
blood sugar test results, and may even alter a result to obtain
parental approval. During adolescence, children of perfectionist
parents may rebel—against both their parents and their diabetes
care programs” this site explains. Parents may also become
overwhelmed and upset by the pain and burdens they see that their
children have endured as a result of having diabetes, and they
want to reward their children by offering special treats and letting
them “cheat” here and there to make things easier. “Children
of overindulgent parents may grow up under the impression that
they are incompetent—incapable of coping with their own problems—which
reinforces feelings of inadequacy,” this site warns.
The scary (but inevitable) fact
is that no matter what parents do to try to prevent it, teens with
diabetes are going to make
mistakes
just like everybody else. They also need to overcome barriers (real
or imagined) to stay involved in activities that interest them. “The
single most important thing to remember as a parent of a teen with
diabetes,” says Haley, “is that while diabetes may be
a difficult condition to deal with, your teen is normal. You need
to keep life as normal as possible for them and make sure that they
don’t perceive any barriers in their life that will prevent
them from achieving their goals. There is no reason for them to feel
like they can’t play football or join the drill team or do
anything else they want to do. They will be empowered through your
support.” Parents of diabetic teens have to learn how to help
their children develop a level of responsibility and judgment that
will help them be independent and self sufficient.
Teens with diabetes
may at times seem rebellious, but usually, by the time they reach
adolescence, they know a great deal already about how to control
their disease. Sometimes, all that is required is a leap of faith
by the concerned parent; other times, teens need more help, support,
and direction. Haley points out that while it’s possible to
allow your teen to feel empowered within the home, you can’t
always control what kinds of challenges and barriers they may encounter
at school or in the community. “When they do encounter barriers,
the parents need to advocate for their teens” to raise awareness
and make sure their children don’t feel limited because of
their condition. Regardless of the difficulties and challenges you
and your teenager are facing, the tips listed below should prove
affective in helping you play a positive role in your teenager’s
diabetes management. Communicate: Once
your child enters his or her teenage years, open communication “is more important than ever,” Lifeclinic.com
points out. Teenagers want the independence of adults, and people
with diabetes need to take charge of their treatment to gain this
level of autonomy. By letting your teenager create his or her own
identity and understanding that these years demand spontaneity like
stopping for pizza after school or staying out late at parties, your
teenager will feel more comfortable being open and honest with you.
Set Priorities: It is usually during adolescence
that most diabetics learn how to “cut corners” and “cheat” in
order to enjoy more freedom in the short run; however, as Lifeclinic.com
points out, certain activities like running blood glucose levels
high to avoid hypoglycemia and cutting back on insulin to keep weight
down are “very damaging to the body in the long term because
they allow high levels of glucose to remain in the bloodstream.” It
is important to help your teen find more healthy alternatives for
diabetes management; if necessary, enlist the help of a certified
diabetes educator or simply play an active role in helping your
adolescent establish priorities.
Be a Team: It
is important for parents to remember not to take rebellion and
anger personally. While
your teen is struggling to
attain a higher
level of independence, take a team approach and make compromises.
Set short-term goals, and try not to get angry when your teenager
makes mistakes and poor decisions with their diabetes management.
Make sure your teenager knows that you are on his or her side;
that way, your advice will more likely resonate. Haley writes
about the
special challenges and concerns she faced as a parent of two
diabetic teenagers on the childrenwithdiabetes.com website, “I
keep reminding them to keep candy in their cars, and I pray for
their
safety. Each step is hard, but allowing them the independence
they deserve is my job as a mother.”
Think Positive: “Your
child’s attitude about diabetes
will be in large measure a reflection of your attitude, so
it’s
vitally important that you approach diabetes management as
matter-of-factly as possible,” the childrenwithdiabetes.com website
says. Haley stresses the importance of making sure that children,
from
the time they are young, don’t perceive blood tests as “tests,” but
rather “checks”—a normal part of diabetes
management that isn’t a pass/fail situation. “Children
are often out of range; that doesn’t necessarily mean
they did anything wrong. It’s important that they never
feel guilty or judged about blood glucose results,” Haley
says.
Take Time Out: Finally, don't forget that
you need to take time out and enjoy social events without your
children. Having
a life
separate
from your kids shouldn’t make you feel guilty; allowing
yourself some time out to unwind and enjoy your hobbies will
help you deal
with stress more effectively in the long run. Your teenager
will thank you for it.
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